A note from Felix
Published on June 11, 2020
This is a note I sent my artists last night. We wouldn't be here without you, so I'm sending this to you all now, too:
20 years today. We made it. And now she’s gone. I will love her always.
When we decided to end treatment early this year, our hospice team along with our doctors told us it would be a matter of weeks. Certainly less than a month. Dianna made it five months. With this date as an unspoken goal. Passing today, on the day of our 20th anniversary, in the same hour we took our vows. I’m so grateful we found each other.
For those who never met my wife, or didn’t know her well, the above should tell you one thing about her: She was determined. She had an iron will. When it came time for college, she got into, and put herself through, UC Berkeley on her own. When I joked to her that I’d be getting an “anti-dowry” when we got married, since she would be coming along with student debt, she vowed to pay it off before our wedding day. Of course, she did. She went through a 45 hour labor to deliver our daughter, Kaya. Having had a difficult childhood herself, she set out to learn everything possible to best raise a healthy, empathetic, well-adjusted child. I’m biased, but I have to say she succeeded. And when she was diagnosed, she was determined to give us as much time as she could.
Our first doctor told us to prepare for the end immediately, that things would go fast. We didn’t accept that, so she let me research other options while she steeled herself for the battle ahead. It was a brutal fight; I’m certain I wouldn’t have been able to endure it myself. Multiple surgeries, even more hospitalizations, and too many chemo treatments to count…she managed it all with grace, dignity, and most incredibly, her sense of humor intact. We got years, when we weren’t even supposed to have months.
She was also kind, generous, beautiful, and fun. Kaya and I were so very lucky and we will miss her every day for the rest of our lives.
We have so many friends and family who helped us. She would want me to thank them all, particularly:
- Our friend Yams, who helped us through the difficult early days, taking care of us, and becoming our family.
- Dr. Stephen Ferzoco, who was my sounding board for research, who was available at any time day or night to answer my infinite treatment questions, and who was invaluable in helping me make contact with crucial medical personnel.
- And most of all, Lambert. It didn’t take long after we met for me to consider him a great friend. But I would never expect any friend to do what he did for us. When I was debating staying on the West Coast for treatment due to logistics and family support, vs. seeking treatment on the East Coast where we would be on our own, Lambert asked me what my preference would be, geography aside. I said the best available treatment is at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York City. Without hesitating, he said “Then you’re moving in with me.” He proceeded to set up his house for us for a year-long stay, and even made it possible for me to continue Felix Comic Art. All under his roof. And he was more than just a gracious host; he was a true friend and support, spending countless hours keeping Dee company as she was undergoing treatment. She called him the big brother she never had. I’ve always felt that, too. We love you, Lam.
We would also like to thank our incredible team of doctors, led by Dr. Nancy Kemeny of Memorial Sloan Kettering, and Dr. Yuman Fong of City of Hope. They were willing to try to give us a miracle, when so many other doctors had written us off. That’s all we could ask for. We got halfway there. We are also grateful to Dr. Alan Venook of UCSF for his care when we returned home.
I hope none of you ever have to experience cancer, for yourself or your family. But if anyone does, please reach out to me. I feel a kinship for any patient or caregiver who has to take this journey, and I will help navigate to the best of my abilities. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Lastly…thank you all for hanging in with me these last few years. At the beginning of this, I was ready to drop Felix Comic Art to devote all my time and energy toward helping my wife. She insisted that I keep FCA going, though, since she knew how hard I had worked to build it. And because I enjoyed it…she didn't want me to lose that. So know that while I may take some time off here and there in the immediate future, I will also continue to work hard for everyone. I hope you all know by now that I can be determined, too.
Stay safe, talk soon.
Felix
Our Artists
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